The Quietest Girl in the Room

The Strange Reality of Being a Shy Escort

I've been shy for as long as I can remember.

Painfully shy as a child.

Awkwardly shy as a teenager.

And now, as an adult? Slightly less shy... but still shy enough that people are rarely surprised when I admit it.

It has been one of the defining traits of my life.

It made school difficult. It made friendships harder than they seemed to be for everyone else. It made group situations especially daunting. And it made speaking up feel terrifying. Confidence has never been something that arrived naturally for me. It has been a lifelong work in progress. And the tension between wanting to connect with people, while feeling utterly inept to do so, has been the undercurrent that has gently gnawed at me throughout it all.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing my shyness as a flaw that needed fixing. Instead, I began asking a different question:

What if my shyness isn't a weakness at all?

And nowhere has that question fascinated me more than in my work. Because on paper, this is probably one of the least suitable careers imaginable for a shy girl.

Yet somehow, it works.

So today I thought I'd share some reflections on the strange and unexpected ways that shyness shapes my work as a professional companion.

~ ~ ~

There are certainly moments when being introverted makes this work more challenging. For example, I have never been particularly comfortable with overt performance.

I can't bring myself to answer the door naked, though this has been requested many a time. I know that might sound ridiculous, considering there probably won’t be a single thread on my body within the next five minutes. But something about being naked before we've even exchanged a hello feels far more brazen than the supremely intimate actions that will soon follow.

Likewise, I find it difficult to engage in too much dirty talk. And trust me, there are plenty of naughty, dirty expletives racing through my mind when I’m with you, particularly during those moments when I’m on the precipice of an orgasm. Some of them would be enough to make a sailor blush. But the words will never reach my lips. I do list “erotic talk” as an inclusion in my TLE service, and this means I’ll make a conscious effort to utter some of my inner thoughts, but they’re more erotic than dirty. Things like “I like that… keep doing that… it feels so good… you’re so deep… I’m so wet,” and so on and so forth. Just gentle verbalisations of what I’m feeling, but nothing too explicit or graphic. This feels right to me. Sharing my more vulgar musings with you… not so much. Because of this aversion to performance, the first time I ever tried roleplay, quickly became the last. It’s just not in my shy-girl nature. 

I recently took strip tease and lap dance off my service list for this reason. I love dancing, and I think I’m somewhat good at it, but I want to dance with someone, not for someone. While I dabbled in stripping many moons ago, the reality of it now falls firmly on the terrifying side of exciting, rather than the exhilarating side. By contrast, I do like offering toy shows. What’s the difference, you might ask? Both are solo acts with a level of performance and exhibitionism involved, but one typically punctuates the very beginning of a booking (strip tease), while the other typically occurs quite a way through (toy show). It is only after connecting with you and engaging in activities where we are equally vulnerable that I become confident enough to allow you to watch me… Much less so when it’s just me under the spotlight all on my lonesome from the get-go.  

Speaking of “spotlights,” I am always careful to adjust the lighting in the bedroom to my liking. It’s just part of my routine to ensure it is dim enough to be flattering, so there is one less thing to feel shy about. I will also always have music on in the background to disguise any awkward silences. I even have some little pleasantries and small-talk phrases pre-prepared that I can latch onto if I need them: “How’s your day been,” “Would you like a drink,” and yes, even the dreaded “Nice weather we’ve been having” (as much as I try my best not to resort to that one!) These little familiarities give me time to collect my thoughts and, hopefully, land on something more meaningful to say.

Another way my quiet nature shows up in my work is through my decision to no longer see couples. It’s not that I don’t like threesomes (as anyone who’s seen Chelsea and me together knows all too well). It’s due to the demands of navigating additional social dynamics when not one, but two of my clients are strangers to me. The extra pressure lies not in the sexy part, but in the social part.

On a similar note, you’ll rarely find me lingering in hotel bars before a booking. Many escorts are happy to meet their clients for a drink first and ease into the encounter socially. I would rather disappear upstairs as quickly as possible. Not because I don't want to spend time with you, but because I prefer private intimacy over public performance. I don't enjoy being watched or observed by strangers. I like the feeling that what we're sharing belongs to us alone.

It’s why I dress rather conservatively when we are together in public spaces. I don’t want to be ogled by everyone else in the vicinity. Just you. So I will dress to impress in the bedroom, but I will dress down when we are outside of those four walls. This doesn’t work well for clients who want to be seen with their chosen companion. I see this on social media often. For many escorts, this is a big part of the service they provide; the privilege of being seen with a beautiful woman on your arm. While I would feel so flattered if a client wanted to show me off, unfortunately, it’s just not something I’m comfortable fulfilling.

It’s also not uncommon for regular clients (especially those of certain cultures) to want to FaceTime a friend back home during our booking (not during the act, of course). I think this is incredibly sweet, really, but it does make my stomach flip just a little. Meeting new people is difficult for me at any other time, let alone during our intimate time together.

Along the same lines, I don’t answer phone call enquiries. I detest phone calls in my personal life, too. I’m the kind of person who would rather write an email, an SMS, a handwritten letter sent by carrier pigeon, even. Most sex workers won’t accept phone calls because of time-wasters and mouth breathers masturbating on the other end of the phone. My primary reason for stating “SMS-only” is simply that I feel so awkward on the phone.

I also do most of my vetting and boundary-setting via SMS rather than in person. If red flags appear during the booking process, I am more comfortable being frank and direct in a message. I prefer to ask the awkward questions and ensure the expectations are clear before I’m stuck in a room with someone. I know myself well enough to afford myself this kindness. I’ve lived with shyness so long that I know how prudent it is to put these safeguards in place to compensate for it and protect myself. If needs be, I will assert myself face-to-face, but to avoid discomfort, I’d rather initiate any necessary confrontation from a distance.

This shyness also means I turn down more new clients than most. Seemingly small details will put me off meeting someone new; a tiny word, or even the things they don’t say. For example, messages that don’t begin with a basic greeting, lack pleases and thank-yous, use an extremely direct tone, or contain vulgar language... All these come across as cocky, too aggressive, not friendly enough. It may be subtle, but it’s enough for me to get that gut feeling that I should turn these clients down. Sometimes this instinct might serve me well; sometimes it might not. I might be missing out on some great guys who just so happen to be especially assertive and intimidating over text.

Even when the tone and content of the enquiry feel reassuring, I still get disproportionately nervous when meeting a brand-new client. These nerves mostly stem from self-doubt about my social abilities, an insecurity that is so often proven baseless when I find I can easily adapt and connect with a broad range of men. Most of the time, I end up feeling slightly silly, when I inevitably realise that I had nothing to worry about. As it so happens, by the time you reach your 30s, introversion can often be masked so well that people wouldn’t know unless you told them. After enough years of being shy, you become quite good at hiding it. I think this mostly comes from a need to ensure that no one else feels uncomfortable because of my discomfort.

When I do accept new clients, it tends to be in clusters. There will be none for a couple of months, then multiple in one day. I’m more likely to take on new clients when I have the most “social battery” available (like when the social activities in my personal life are quite light). Sometimes it’s when I’ve been working really hard in the gym and been consistent with a healthy diet, so I feel more confident in my skin (like so many women subject to the pressures of our society, my confidence has always been inextricably linked to my body image and the ever-fluctuating number on the scales). When I’ve had a run of great new clients with whom I connect well, I start to feel like “hey, I’m kinda good at this,” and that often emboldens me to open my books to more new clients. In contrast, if things go a little pear-shaped and I agree to see someone that I turn out to be quite incompatible with, I might retreat under my safety blanket for a while, seeing only the regulars I feel most comfortable with.  

Finally, my reserved nature means I won’t agree to an extended encounter or a social date with clients I’ve never met. When it comes to blind dates, I prefer that they involve nudity pretty quickly to break the ice. I appreciate that this is probably the exact opposite of how most people approach dating. I have broken this rule on occasion and met a brand-new client out for dinner or appetisers before we retire to the bedroom, but only when an enquiry makes me feel immediately safe and like we will get along easily. All signs must point to “this is a gentleman” before I’ll even consider entertaining this kind of booking. With regulars, it’s not a blind date anymore. There’s a level of comfort and authenticity there, and that keeps my nervous disposition at bay. I do love to provide true companionship in my job, but with regular clients with whom I’ve already broken down those walls and can be myself more freely, without self-consciousness or pretence. If you are a regular that I have agreed to go on a social date with, it means you’re quite special to me indeed.

You see, I am more discerning about whom I eat lunch with than whom I have sex with.

Strange, isn’t it?

Maybe because allowing someone access to my mind and soul, allowing them to get to know me on a personal level, feels far more intimate than allowing them access to my body. I feel so much more exposed letting someone in on my thoughts, my personality, and who I am on the inside. Interacting with my body can feel quite a bit more shallow than that, and therefore less dangerous. There’s less chance of getting hurt, maybe? And I’m about to bare myself a little bit here (in true Jasmine-fashion, with written words rather than spoken ones)… I guess I’m more confident in how I look and how my body can make you feel than I am in myself beneath all of that.

Because without my sexuality, do I really feel like I’m enough?

~ ~ ~

Now you may be thinking, “Jasmine, if all of this is true, it sounds like you’re just not cut out for this job.”

Au contraire! 

See, here's where things get interesting.

The very same shyness that complicates certain parts of my work also gives me strengths I don't think I'd have otherwise.

The thing that makes it harder also makes me good at it.

In fact, many sex workers describe themselves as shy and introverted, and a great deal of us are on the spectrum. It is my belief that this often works in my favour. Because when you've spent your entire life feeling nervous, awkward, self-conscious, or out of place, you become exceptionally good at recognising those feelings in other people.

And a great many clients arrive nervous. Some are shy. Some are socially anxious. Some haven't been touched in a very long time. Others, not at all. Some feel like outsiders; lonely and isolated. Some are convinced they'll say the wrong thing. And because I've spent much of my life feeling exactly the same way, I understand them.

There is a quiet comfort that comes from sitting with someone who doesn't need to be the loudest person in the room. Someone who isn't competing for attention. It means neither of us has to perform. I think many of my shy clients realise fairly quickly that we're more alike than we are different. That understanding creates trust. And trust creates connection.

With these clients, I sometimes use a little self-deprecation to show them we’re on equal footing. I’m a girl who often says the wrong thing, the nerdy thing, the uncool thing. I’m clumsy at times, and I’m okay with making fun of myself. So, with shy clients, I don’t hide these quirks and idiosyncrasies, because showing a bit of vulnerability can make them feel more comfortable. Not too much, or it could backfire, making them feel more nervous and making me look incompetent and unprofessional. But just enough that they can see that I’m a kindred spirit. Often it’s their introversion that’s landed them here with me in the first place, rather than in traditional dating settings. This is often a point of deep connection between my clients and me.

What’s more, for these quieter gentlemen, the art of “leading” is something that can be learnt. Over time, I’ve become adept at providing just enough guidance to keep a booking moving naturally and efficiently, while still allowing ample space for them to step forward and take the lead when they feel ready. For many, the experience becomes an opportunity for personal growth; a chance to develop confidence and self-belief that can extend beyond our time together and into their interactions with women in the outside world.

The funny thing is that my shyness also helps with my more outgoing clients. Extroverted people often enjoy having a stage on which to shine. They love telling stories. They love sharing their experiences. They love being heard. And I genuinely enjoy listening. I don't compete for the limelight. I don't need to be the centre of attention. I enjoy, well… them. Perhaps that's why some of my strongest connections are with men whose personalities are completely different from my own. They bring the energy. I bring the calm. And somehow it works.

~ ~ ~

Sometimes my shyness can give off a sense of “wholesome and innocent,” and I love using this to my full advantage. Some men are drawn to shy, sweet, coy-seeming girls. There is, after all, a certain thrill in corrupting the innocent… and then watching the good girl misbehave. “Smouldering temptress” isn’t everyone’s thing. Some enjoy subtlety… mystery. Other men mistake quietness for submissiveness, and that can have its own allure. Whether they're correct is another matter entirely.

I know this firsthand from my time working in a brothel. There was a time when intros used to terrify me. I was reserved compared to most other sex workers in that environment but was selected often by men who were looking for a “non-escort escort.” The girl-next-door. I found that the vast majority of men still craved the chase. Even in a paid arrangement where sex is more or less a sure thing, they still wanted to lead, to pursue. A woman who is not necessarily throwing herself at them has a certain intrigue, a challenge, a little “will-she-or-won’t-she?” Of course, the answer is that I probably will, so there is some assurance there, but with the illusion of still playing the game. I think it’s all the more rewarding for them when a girl who starts out shy, warms up to them over time. It makes them feel special and chosen rather than “just anyone.”

~ ~ ~

My tendency to overthink has also made me incredibly conscious of discretion. I like blending into the background. I like flying under the radar. I don't want hotel staff remembering me, so I keep my interactions polite but brief. I avoid eye contact, and I make it clear I would rather not chat. I don’t want them getting to know me or prying into why I’m there. I want to go unnoticed.  

For many people, that might sound cold and aloof. For me, it's essential. My goal has never been to attract attention. I don't want strangers wondering about me. “Unmemorable in public. Unforgettable in private”… that’s my motto!

It also helps that I don’t have a million friends in my personal life. I’ve never been the popular girl whose name everyone knows. I’m often the wallflower, not the life of the party. My inner circle is small, and there is virtually no outer circle. In a small place like Perth, and as a face-in escort, this is important. It means I can go on a date with a client, and the chance of running into someone I know is slim. It means the brand-new client who shows up at my door is unlikely to be someone I know from my personal life. And if an obscure acquaintance were to find out my secret, I’m hardly going to be the topic of conversation for very long. Little-old-me is just not that noteworthy. I don’t mean that in an unkind way; I just know there are perks to being naturally private and reserved.

~ ~ ~

Most sex workers I’ve known will start with a period of chatting and getting to know each other before they enter the intimacy portion of the date, particularly for longer bookings. Very occasionally, a client will guide me to do things this way. But for the most part, I do get right into initiating the sexual stuff. I find that the enlightening soul-baring conversations only come after that, once we’re lying there together, satisfied and spent. It comes easier then. Once we’ve shared something physically intimate and connected on a more basic level, we can build on that and share real, honest, deep things about our innermost selves. I know it’s not meant to feel natural in that order, but it certainly does to me. Plus, it ensures the client has ample time for the physical stuff, which, let’s face it, is often their primary reason for booking in. You’ll find I am a much better conversationalist when I’m in that post-orgasm haze. All guards are down then, and meaningful conversation unfolds effortlessly.

In many ways, the physical side of connection feels easier to me than the social side. That probably sounds backwards. But when we're touching, kissing, and sharing ourselves physically, I stop analysing myself. I’m in my “animal brain.” I'm no longer wondering whether I've said the right thing or whether I'm making a good impression. I simply respond... move... feel... exist in the moment.

Conversation, on the other hand, requires thought. Sometimes, far too much thought. If you've ever found yourself replaying a conversation in your head three hours later and cringing at something perfectly innocent you said, then you'll understand exactly what I mean. I've often joked that touch is simply a language I speak more fluently than English. Maybe that’s just how I’m built to express myself, with touch and the written word, but not so much the spoken word (or at least not until I know someone well enough).

I’m also a sensory seeker; I crave touch to calm and regulate my nervous system. It's why I love using a kiss to break the ice. And why some of my deepest conversations happen after intimacy rather than before it. The truth is, I like that my first dates always involve nudity. I’m far more relaxed lying naked beside someone than sitting across from them at a dinner table. I feel less exposed, somehow.

And that’s perhaps the strangest thing about me; I genuinely feel more vulnerable emotionally than physically. Touch almost always feels easier than words. Allowing someone to know my thoughts and who I am beneath the surface feels far more intimate than allowing them to see my body. I guess you could say that it feels safer to show my naked body than my naked heart.

~ ~ ~

So if you ask me if my shyness is a weakness, my answer these days is no.

Or at least, not entirely.

Has it made parts of my life harder?

Absolutely.

Has it held me back at times?

Without question.

But it has also made me thoughtful. Empathetic. Observant. Gentle. Careful with people's feelings. Attuned to nervousness. Protective of intimacy. And perhaps those qualities are exactly why this work suits me as well as it does.

So if you're a shy man reading this and worrying about whether you'll know what to say when we meet... Please don't. Because there's a very good chance I'm feeling exactly the same way.

And if words fail us both?

Well.

Touch has always been my first language.

Lots of love,

Jasmine x