The Curious Case of the Missing Button

The Pleasure Paradox: A Flaw in the Grand Design

There’s a meme that’s been circulating lately, and every time I see it, I can’t help but smile:

“Imagine if women had to orgasm in order to get pregnant by men. There would be like eight people in the world.”

Okay, it’s an exaggeration. But sit with the premise for a moment.

Think about how we instinctively mark the end of a sexual encounter. When do we decide sex is “over”? When the woman orgasms… or when the man does? More often than not, it’s the male climax that signals completion. That’s the finish line. Box ticked. Job done.

But how did we arrive here? Why is female pleasure treated as optional; a nice bonus rather than a requirement? Many men genuinely do care about a woman’s enjoyment, and I see that firsthand. Yet culturally, sex still orbits male satisfaction. Why is sex much more male-centric?

Is it because women enjoy sex less?

No. The clitoris contains roughly twice as many nerve endings as the penis. If anything, women are wired for more pleasure, not less.

Is it because women don’t want sex as much?

Also no. We have hormones, hunger, desire, and biological drive just like men do. Scratch that theory.

So what’s left?

Because women’s orgasms are harder to achieve.

Ding ding ding. We have a winner!

Male orgasm is usually predictable; a reliable outcome of stimulation. Female orgasm, on the other hand, can feel elusive. Inconsistent. Hit-or-miss. Women may be built for pleasure, but sadly we are not built for convenience. And so, consciously or not, it’s often deprioritised. We design sex around the sure thing.

Women are complex creatures. Our desires shift day to day, moment to moment. The exact same touch that melted me yesterday might irritate me today. Sometimes I don’t even know what I want until I don’t want it anymore. And many women, tired of the guessing, quietly surrender. They stop advocating for themselves. They forget that they have just as much right to cum as their man does. They become resigned to just letting sex happen to them, rather than grabbing sex by the balls and claiming it for themselves.

But as the illustrious Samantha Jones so wisely put it: “When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to cum.”

A woman has to take ownership of her pleasure. Not instead of a man. Alongside him. There is so much within her control. Her mindset. Her imagination. Her willingness to stay present rather than letting her thoughts wander. Her belief in her own desirability. The way she angles her body. The way she meets her partner, emotionally and physically. And yes, the subtle, powerful rhythm of her pelvic floor, guiding sensation rather than waiting passively for it. A woman can generate enormous pleasure simply by engaging her own body, and allowing her partner to assist rather than relying on him to lead the entire charge.

And yet, women everywhere are still being short-changed sexually, simply because our bodies are a little more intricate. It feels like a design oversight, doesn’t it? Why wasn’t there just a simple internal button? Insert penis. Press button. Orgasm achieved. Voilà! Sexual equality at last. What a wonderful world we would live in. But here’s the reality: Only around 18% of women orgasm from penetration alone. The majority require clitoral stimulation. And here’s the irony: the clitoris is external, while penetration is internal. They are neighbours, not roommates. Penetration alone often bypasses the very structure responsible for pleasure.  And personally, grinding while I’m on top of you is not the sensation my poor little clit is wanting. She needs finesse; a gentle touch… not to be caught between a rock and a hard place.

So was God (or whoever was responsible), asleep at the drafting table? Is this some cosmic joke? Is He watching us flail about, muttering, “Look at them go… all that effort, still poking the wrong spot”? [Insert evil laugh].

Believe me, I’ve had moments lying there, staring at the ceiling, cursing the injustice of it all. What a cruel setup. What a tease. I’d like to speak to the Manager, please.

But recently, a client offered a theory that genuinely shifted my perspective.

What if this wasn’t a mistake at all? What if we were designed this way on purpose? Less a design oversight, more an intentional masterstroke. What if pleasure was never meant to be automatic, but exploratory? What if our anatomy encourages curiosity, creativity, communication, and play? What if sex was meant to be more than efficient reproduction? What if it was meant to be discovered, learned, revisited, and refined? What if women are complex because pleasure itself is complex? We are not a single lock with a single key. We are many locks, responding to many keys, changing over time. And perhaps the beauty lies not in instant gratification, but in the process of trying: experimenting, listening, adapting, paying attention.

If orgasm were as simple as pressing a button, we wouldn’t have nearly as much fun figuring out new and different ways to pleasure each other. The laughter. The learning. The intimacy. The joy of making headway and unlocking the ultimate reward. When it comes to pleasure, the journey really does matter as much as the destination. Maybe even more.

Just something to think about…

Jasmine x