Are You Good in Bed? Here's How to Tell

Reading Her Body, Her Breath, and Her Behaviour

In the spirit of my upcoming exams, I found myself thinking about assessment. We know whether we possess academic aptitude because we receive grades and transcripts. We know whether we’re good at sport because we earn places, stats, or trophies. But how do we know whether or not we’re good in bed? What clues actually indicate sexual skill... or lack thereof?

From a man’s perspective, I suspect the bar for women is fairly low. A pulse helps. Kidding. Mostly.

Women, however, are complex creatures, and we all want different things between the sheets. One woman’s so-called novice is another woman’s Casanova. That said, I believe the clearest indicator of whether you’re a good lover lies in one simple skill: observation.

If you want to know how you’re doing in bed, pay close attention to how your lover responds. Look for involuntary signs of arousal. Tightened nipples. Hooded eyes. Dilated pupils. Flushed cheeks. Parted lips. Deepened breathing. Goosebumps rising as you trace her skin. Her heart racing beneath your palm.

Then look for signs of enjoyment. Does she smile? Does she lean into your touch or instinctively reach for more? Does she meet you halfway rather than pulling back? When you kiss her neck, does she melt into it? Are her movements fluid or hesitant? Are her sounds encouraging? Is she present, or does she seem distracted? Does she initiate intimacy, or is it all one-sided? Is she affectionate afterward? Does she curl into you like a contented kitten?

All of these things tell a story.

Unfortunately, we live in a world full of mattress actresses. It's big business after all! Studies suggest that at least 80 percent of women have faked an orgasm, and I suspect that's a far too conservative figure. For most women, orgasm is not the sole measure of good sex. In fact, only a small percentage of women reliably reach climax through penetration alone. So whether or not she orgasms is not, by itself, proof that you are a skilled lover. That said, chronic faking does men no favours. It robs you of honest feedback and the opportunity to improve. So, how can you tell the difference?

If her reactions escalate instantly, going from silence to theatrics within seconds of stimulation, there’s a good chance she’s performing. During genuine buildup, there is usually panting, deep breathing, light moaning, soft sounds that intensify gradually. Dramatic vocalisation like she’s on a roller coaster tends to only occur at the moments of climax, if it happens at all.

Physical responses are harder to fake. During orgasm, a woman’s legs often tense, her toes may curl, and her pelvic muscles contract involuntarily. If you’re inside her with fingers or during penetration, you’ll feel strong gripping contractions followed by rhythmic pulses as her body settles. These contractions can technically be imitated by someone with strong pelvic floor control, but it takes effort and awareness.

It’s also worth noting that early arousal often feels more open and relaxed. Tightness at the beginning can signal hesitation, nerves, or lack of trust rather than pleasure.

Another clue lies in what happens afterward. Genuine orgasms tend to leave women momentarily spent. She may need a moment to catch her breath, appear slightly dazed, or collapse into the bed. Orgasms are physiologically taxing. Immediate bouncing up and returning to business as usual is often a sign she wasn’t truly at the peak just moments earlier.

Real orgasms also trigger oxytocin (also known as the "love hormone"). This often results in increased affection, warmth, and closeness afterward. Cuddling, softness, appreciation. These are strong indicators that her orgasm was sincere.

As for wetness, it’s unreliable as a metric. A woman can be deeply aroused without appearing especially wet externally. A quick biology lesson: the vagina is made up of many folds and creases, so although she may be well lubricated internally, that wetness may not always make its way out. It’s also worth noting that female ejaculation (squirting) is not possible for the majority of women. Wetness, or lack thereof, is not a true reflection of orgasm or pleasure. Natural lubrication varies widely and is influenced by age, hydration, health, alcohol intake, hormones, and genetics. Most notably, the texture, viscosity, and volume of vaginal fluids fluctuate throughout the menstrual cycle in response to oestrogen levels. In other words, wetness changes from day to day, and it has very little to do with you.

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this, it’s this: don’t obsess over performance. Good sex is not about ticking boxes or chasing gold stars. It’s about presence, curiosity, and responsiveness. If you’re unsure whether she likes something, just ask. Communication is inherently sexy. It’s confidence in action.

Bottom line? Relax into it... Have fun... Pay attention.

Love,

Jasmine

(who promises never to fake her orgasms with you)