All About Her — Part Two
- Jasmine Amour
- Mar 3, 2021
- 14 min read
A Gentleman's Guide to Awakening Her Appetite:
Products, Inspiration & Experiences for Her
What happens when the woman you adore seems to have misplaced her desire?
If I were purely business-minded, I might tell you to seek immediate professional assistance. Do not pass “Go,” do not collect two hundred dollars, and prepare to part with considerably more.
But perhaps what you truly want is not a temporary substitute, but a deeper connection with the woman already in your life. This piece is for the gentlemen whose partners have lost their spark; or perhaps never had the opportunity to fully discover it.
Take heart. You are far from alone.
Sexless relationships are the reason our booming adult industry exists, thriving through global crises and pandemics alike. For whatever libido your partner may lack, a sex worker will be there to pick up the slack.
Desire (particularly feminine desire) can be delicate and unpredictable. One day she’s Dita Von Teese, enchanting you effortlessly; the next, she’s Medusa, and your advances turn you to stone. Our sex drive is responsive, shaped by emotional connection, safety, and feeling cherished. When intimacy fades, it is rarely attraction that’s lost. More often, the relationship simply needs nurturing.
In Part One, I shared my own journey toward discovering pleasure and reclaiming my appetite for intimacy. This blog, however, is about the products, inspiration, and experiences you might like to explore, as an adjunct to being a thoughtful and attentive partner.
And let me be perfectly clear: this is not a guide to coercing your partner into sex. Enthusiastic consent is essential, always, and without exception. True intimacy can only flourish where desire is mutual, freely given, and genuinely shared.
Equally important, nothing here replaces emotional connection. I do not condone employing sneaky or manipulative strategies as a substitute for treating her well. If her needs beyond the bedroom are not being met, begin there. Many of my previous blog posts provide advice on how to truly care for a woman, both emotionally and physically. Affection without expectation, acknowledgement and appreciation, emotional intimacy, fair distribution of domestic labour, and thoughtful attention form the foundation of a thriving erotic bond.
What follows are simply invitations; gentle possibilities to rekindle curiosity, awaken pleasure, and deepen the connection that already exists between you.
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Begin with Presence: The Power of Touch
Never underestimate the power of simple, attentive touch. A lingering embrace. A slow kiss. Fingers tracing the small of her back as you pass. Sitting close enough that your bodies naturally lean into one another. These small gestures communicate affection, safety, and desire in ways words often cannot. Physical intimacy that exists without expectation allows her to relax, to feel wanted rather than required, and to rediscover comfort in closeness. When a woman feels emotionally safe, her body often follows. If there is one place to begin, begin here.
Sensory Indulgence: Oils, Candles & Atmosphere
Sometimes desire awakens most easily through the senses. Soft lighting. Warm fragrance. Luxurious textures against the skin. An atmosphere that invites her to slow down and surrender to sensation. Creating a sensual environment signals intention. Not urgency, but care.
A beautifully scented massage oil (think warm vanilla, delicate rose, or calming sandalwood), can transform simple touch into something deeply intimate. Silken oils that glide effortlessly across the body encourage lingering hands and unhurried exploration, turning a massage into a shared ritual of closeness. Consider lighting a softly perfumed candle or selecting a body lotion that doubles as both skincare and sensual indulgence. Even small details: plush linens, gentle music, and ambient lighting, communicate thoughtfulness and consideration.
The goal is not performance, but presence. A space where she feels cherished, relaxed, and free to respond naturally.
Let us turn to a few specific pleasures. The Kama Sutra range (available from the Adult Shop) is the perfect tangible expression of this sensory indulgence. Depending on how you use them, you can set the sexual tone and gently ease her into things without overwhelming her.
Start with the Ignite candles. Not only do they set the mood, but the melted wax also doubles as a luxurious massage oil. Coat your lover's body with this warm, thick nectar, and feel her resolve soften under your touch. Sprinkle Honey Dust on her wrists, thighs, and décolletage. We want to stick with neutral body parts first, nothing too erotic just yet. Slowly kiss and lick the sweet powder off her skin, and watch closely as she begins to respond. Finally, apply Oil of Love to her nipples, clitoris, and backside. Lightly blow over the oil to allow a delectable warming sensation to wash over her, then suck gently until nothing remains.
The Art of Adornment: Choosing Lingerie for Her
Of course, lingerie is a sensory experience too. Delicate fabrics against the skin, the anticipation of unveiling, the quiet confidence it inspires. The right piece is never simply about appearance, but about how it makes you feel: desired, cherished, and intimately connected. In this way, lingerie becomes not just adornment, but an expression of emotional closeness and shared intimacy.
Yet for many women, the idea of dressing intimately for a partner can feel deeply vulnerable, even confronting. Even the most outwardly confident woman may privately experience moments of feeling unattractive or unworthy. While you may see her as utterly divine (and I sincerely hope you do), she may not yet see herself through those same loving eyes.
A thoughtfully chosen piece of lingerie, however, can gently introduce a powerful idea: that you genuinely find her desirable, beautiful, and worthy of admiration. When offered with care and sensitivity, such a gift can help her begin to imagine herself as you see her. But this is not as simple as wrapping delicate lace in a box and hoping for the best. Choosing well requires attention, empathy, and intention.
Here are three guiding principles.
Choose What Reflects Her Nature
Not all lingerie speaks the same language. The most exquisite piece in the world will fall flat if it does not align with who she is. If she is naturally elegant, refined, or quietly sensual, consider luxury houses such as Honey Birdette, Agent Provocateur, or Edge o' Beyond, whose designs celebrate sophistication and craftsmanship. For beautiful yet more accessible options, Bras N Things offers charming collections, while Lounge Underwear creates pieces that balance comfort with effortless sensuality. If her spirit leans more playful or daring, she may delight in something provocative, minimal, or mischievous.
Some women relish transformation, embodying the polished muse one evening and the uninhibited temptress the next. (It is me, I am "some women"). Others feel most confident expressing only one facet of themselves. The key is simple: choose what resonates with her identity, not merely your fantasy. When she feels authentic in what she wears, confidence follows naturally.
Honour Her Shape
The purpose of lingerie is not to conceal her body, but to celebrate it. Consider what she loves about herself, and highlight those features. If she adores her legs, delicate stockings or high-cut designs can be wonderfully flattering. If she prefers a little more softness around the midsection, flowing silhouettes or high-waisted styles offer both elegance and comfort. Fuller busts often shine in open or supportive designs, while smaller busts can carry plunging necklines with effortless grace.
Practical considerations matter too. Avoid “one size fits most” garments, prioritise fabrics with gentle stretch, and be mindful of sizing variations when purchasing online. When in doubt, consult a sales assistant (their expertise can be invaluable). For a universally flattering option, a babydoll chemise remains a timeless choice. Beautiful, forgiving, and softly feminine, it suits nearly every body and mood. Brands such as LoveHoney offer inclusive sizing and body-positive presentation, helping ensure the experience feels affirming rather than intimidating. Above all, the goal is for her to feel comfortable, celebrated, and entirely at ease within her own skin.
Presentation Is Everything
How you offer the gift shapes how it is received. Extend the invitation gently, never as an expectation. A simple expression of admiration, paired with an offer of care, such as a massage, transforms the moment from pressure into pleasure.
Remember that stepping into lingerie can feel unexpectedly exposing. Rather than leaving her to face the moment alone, create an atmosphere of warmth and safety. Soften the lighting, play some music, and ensure she is not the only one feeling vulnerable. If she is shy, invite closeness first; a kiss, an embrace, shared intimacy that allows her confidence to blossom gradually. And when you finally see her, let your response be sincere. Genuine appreciation, expressed through words, touch, or tender attention, is infinitely more powerful than exaggerated praise.
When a woman feels truly desired, she begins to experience herself differently. And when she feels beautiful, she moves with a new ease, a quiet confidence, a natural sensuality. The most successful gift of lingerie is not measured by the fabric itself, but by how quickly it inspires her to feel radiant in your presence.
Pleasure Tools: An Invitation to Exploration
For many women, discovering what their bodies respond to is a journey; one that may benefit from a little technological assistance. Thoughtfully chosen pleasure tools can help her explore sensation at her own pace, free from pressure or expectation. When introduced with openness and curiosity, they can become shared experiences that strengthen trust rather than replace intimacy.
For those new to this world, beautifully designed clitoral stimulators, such as the elegant air-pulse devices by Womanizer, offer remarkably gentle yet powerful sensations that many women find transformative. Their touch is delicate, precise, and deeply responsive, often awakening pleasure in ways previously unexplored.
Some women may prefer the soft vibration of a discreet external toy, while others enjoy the fullness of an internal design such as a refined glass or silicone wand. What matters is not the device itself, but the spirit of exploration behind it, and a shared willingness to discover what brings her pleasure, guided always by her comfort. Approach these experiences playfully. Let her set the pace. Allow curiosity to lead.
If you feel called to explore some toys together, there are a number of beautifully crafted intimacy brands that create products designed not merely for stimulation, but for experience. My top recommendations:
LELO
LELO creates exquisitely designed pieces crafted from silky body-safe silicone, blending technology with elegance. Their creations feel less like devices and more like luxurious objects of devotion. I have several!
We-Vibe
Thoughtfully designed for connection, We-Vibe specialises in products that enhance shared intimacy. Their creations invite couples to explore sensation together, encouraging closeness, playfulness, and discovery.
These products are not necessities, of course; merely beautiful invitations to explore sensation, curiosity, and connection together.
And now for something more daring...
You may like to consider adding some soft restraints or a spreader bar into your repertoire. My top picks include the Fifty Shades of Grey Hard Limits Kit (the films may have mixed reviews, but praise for the beautiful quality of their sex toys and accessories is unanimous). And the Scandal Ankle Spreader Bar with its lavish red brocade velvet. Although this requires her to adopt a more submissive nature, it does not necessarily have to venture into BDSM territory. The restraints themselves are really just for show. They are bound only by velcro and are quite easy to wriggle out of, but they are just suggestive enough to make her feel like she is relinquishing control.
Selecting a pleasure tool or sensual product together can in itself be deeply intimate. Browsing, discussing, and discovering her preferences creates anticipation and opens meaningful conversation about desire, curiosity, and boundaries. Sometimes the most powerful aphrodisiac is simply feeling safe enough to express what one truly wants.
Inspiration & Fantasy
Desire begins in the mind. For many women, imagination and emotional context play a powerful role in arousal. Stories, romantic imagery, or sensual media designed with female pleasure in mind, can spark curiosity and awaken dormant desires. Rather than relying on content created primarily for male gratification, consider exploring material that centres female experience, emotional connection, and anticipation.
Reading her Literotica aloud can be an intensely intimate form of foreplay. Lay her down on the bed and tell her to close her eyes while she listens to your voice. Then just read... It's as simple as that. Read the words slowly, patiently and deliberately, and caress her body lightly throughout. You can find entire libraries of erotic stories online for free. Bellesa in particular has some fantastic pieces. Bellesa is a porn company for women, by women, and they recently launched an erotic podcast also. Perhaps you'd like someone else to do the reciting for you, so you can focus on doing more pleasurable things to your lady while she listens on.
Even better, why not write your own literotica stories, with your partner cast as the leading lady? I have a client who does me this honour, and I speak from experience when I say it's the ultimate in personalised fantasies. With a gesture so memorable and meaningful, by the end of your rendition, she'll be both putty in your hands, and a puddle of wetness on the sheets.
For a collection of beautiful, tasteful erotic films, created specifically for women and couples, I invite you to explore FrolicMe, another excellent and ethical, female-friendly, porn company. Their elegance and sensuality are unmatched in the current market. If you were to extract our fantasies from our hearts and minds and project them onto the small screen, this is what it would look like. This is what women want to see.
The Act of Giving Without Expectation
One of the most transformative experiences for a woman is being the focus of unhurried attention. To be touched slowly. To be explored with curiosity. To feel that her pleasure matters; not as a means to an end, but as a beautiful experience in itself. When a woman feels genuinely prioritised, something remarkable often happens: her desire to give returns naturally and abundantly. Generosity in intimacy has a way of inspiring reciprocity. Pleasure, after all, is rarely a one-way exchange. This philosophy becomes most powerful when expressed through touch.
A Ritual of Devotion: Unhurried Touch
One of the most powerful gifts you can offer a woman is time. A full-body massage using warm oils. Slow, attentive touch without agenda. Hands that explore simply to give pleasure, rather than to rush toward an outcome. When a woman experiences touch that exists solely for her enjoyment, her body softens, her mind quiets, and desire often awakens naturally. Generosity of attention is, in itself, profoundly seductive.
Shared Experiences & New Adventures
Sometimes the spark returns when routine gives way to novelty. A romantic getaway. A luxurious hotel room. An experience that feels deliciously removed from everyday life. New surroundings invite fresh energy, encouraging you to see each other with new eyes, to rediscover the magic that first drew you together.
For some couples, exploring shared fantasies, always with open communication and clear boundaries, can deepen trust and reignite passion. The key is ensuring that every experience centres mutual comfort, enthusiasm, and respect. When approached with care, new experiences can bring you closer in ways neither of you expected.
Start small if you like. A decadent couple’s massage, for example. Nothing inspires gratitude quite like warm, oiled skin sliding under your touch. She’s naked, you’re naked, and your hands trace one another in a slow, indulgent rhythm. She notices the relaxed, contented expression on your face, a mirror of how you used to look when things felt effortless and intoxicating. The tension knotted beneath her skin melts away, and she basks in blissful surrender, knowing this thoughtful gesture was all your idea.
If a professional spa is out of reach, why not be the masseuse yourself? No training required, just a genuine desire to worship and care for her body. But here’s the secret: the difference between a massage that thrills and one that disappoints is intention. Too often, massages are thinly veiled attempts to initiate sex. Instead, make it all about her. Dim the lights, light candles or incense, play a soft spa playlist, and let the oils glide over every curve. Resist the urge to let it become about you. Pretend you’re a true professional. Yes, your arousal may awaken. It’s impossible not to when she’s bare beneath your hands. But self-restraint heightens her anticipation. Paradoxically, holding back can drive her wild, giving her the thrill of desire she hasn’t felt in ages.
Some women carry a whisper of bisexuality, and exploring it can be intoxicating when both partners are curious. One of my most memorable experiences with a client was during a weekend getaway in Melbourne. After going out to dinner and a comedy club, we decided to end the night in a strip club. My client generously offered to pay for a private lap dance for the both of us. This was a first for me, and I excitedly agreed.
We were sitting side by side on one of those vintage burgundy leather sofas, my palms sweaty with nervous energy as I held his hand. The two ladies we chose were not centre-fold models, but to me they were so sexy. Soft natural curves, warm friendly energy, and genuine smiles. They were fun-loving backpackers from the UK, and had we met under different circumstances, I could see us being friends. Being a female patron definitely comes with certain perks. While my client was permitted light touching only, I was encouraged by the dancers to do so much more (those details are for another blog at another time). After bidding the girls farewell and retiring to our hotel room, the sex between my client and I was absolutely explosive. It started with me mimicking the strip tease that I’d seen the girls do earlier, but let's just say, the teasing ended with a whole lot of pleasing. He got the temptation of a stripper, and the follow-through of an escort, all-in-one.
For couples ready to explore even further, booking an escort together can open entirely new dimensions. But only if the dynamic is right. This isn’t about replacing one another; it’s about adding new layers of pleasure. Think of it like chocolate cake: beloved, irresistible, yet occasionally in need of a little garnish: a cherry on top, some sprinkles, a swirl of whipped cream. If you’re the chocolate cake in her life, wouldn’t you enjoy seeing her delight in those little trimmings? In fact, wouldn't you like to taste them together? It’s very likely that after trying a little something extra, suddenly eating that cake in the traditional way without all the toppings, will be brand new and exciting again.
When boundaries are clear and consent is mutual, a threesome can be transformative. I’ve seen it first-hand and it’s so beautiful to watch. It’s such an honour to witness and facilitate the reconnection of a couple who are still very much in love.
The best experiences keep her at the centre. She’s adored, admired, and utterly desired. She is the star of the show. The other woman is merely a guest; a supporting role. This is not about you being "allowed" to fuck another woman. It is about experiencing something new together. Picture her reclining as you kiss her neck and suck her nipples while I worship her from between her legs. Or you, taking her in doggy while I caress her back, squeeze her ass, and whisper how sexy she looks. Visualise a steamy shower-for-three, her pressed in between our soapy slick bodies, one at her front and one at her back. She is the centre of attention at all times. She is the focus of every touch, every gaze, every whispered compliment. This is how you do a couples threesome right! By making it all about her, instead of about you. And what that really does, is make it about both of you together. By putting her pleasure first, you reaffirm your devotion to her and deepen your bond as a couple.
Let her lead the way. She chooses the escort, sets the pace, and defines what feels exciting. Communication remains essential: what is okay, what isn’t, where boundaries lie. Respect and trust ensure that this experience strengthens your connection rather than threatening it. When made thoughtfully, these new memories together can be a symbol of your love and trust for one another. As I often say, “Why not allow Jasmine to be the naughty little secret that you both share?”
A Final Thought
I know it can be incredibly trying when the sex in your relationship dwindles or dies. But if your bond is wonderful in every other way, if you love her and she’s your best friend and your teammate in life, then you owe it to her (and to yourself), to work on it. Don’t write her off just because she’s not a nympho for you… (yet).
From my own journey, I have learned that a woman’s desire is rarely absent. It is simply waiting for the right conditions to flourish. When she feels seen. When she feels safe. When she feels cherished. When her pleasure is valued as deeply as your own.
Every woman has her own unique pathway to pleasure; her own rhythm, her own language of desire. With patience, kindness, and genuine curiosity, that pathway can be discovered. And when she does discover it, trust me, you will want to be the man beside her.
Happy experimenting, lovers!
Jasmine x
For many of the products mentioned in this blog, I can highly recommend Love Honey and Wild Secrets, two online sex-shop retailers that I swear by for all my business purchases. They both have a fantastic range, great value for money, and super-fast postage (with discreet packaging of course).